Mars Air Force Denies Stories of UFO Crash
From: campbell@ufomind.com (Glenn Campbell, Las Vegas)
Date: Wed, 9 Jul 1997 22:41:40 -0800
Subject: Mars Air Force Denies Stories of UFO Crash
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Message-ID: <Sb43.21d1@clarinet.com>
Date: Wed, 9 Jul 97 3:20:01 EDT
Lines: 37
Xref: news.teleport.com rec.humor.funny:6491
AIR FORCE DENIES STORIES OF UFO CRASH
Valles Marineris (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced
as false rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert,
outside of Ares Vallis on Friday. Appearing at a press conference
today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser, stated that "the object was, in
fact, a harmless high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien
spacecraft".
The story broke late Friday night when a major stationed at nearby
Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Valles Marineris Daily
Record with a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which
allegedly came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times
before coming to a stop, "deflating in a sudden explosion of alien
gases". Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the
Daily Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report.
General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a
detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant
fiction, provoked by incidences involving swamp gas. But the
general public has been slow to accept the Air Force's explanation
of recent events, preferring to speculate on the "other-worldly"
nature of the crash debris. Conspiracy theorists have condemned
Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious government
cover-up", pointing out that Mars has no swamps.
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